


Forever By Your Side

by an_odd_ducky



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Battle of Five Armies, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Sibling Incest, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:11:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_odd_ducky/pseuds/an_odd_ducky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of the last eighteen hours before Fili and Kili fall, beginning the night before the Battle of Five Armies. Tensions rise among the company as Thorin lays his plans to retrieve the Arkenstone, but Fili and Kili find comfort in each other, despite their anxiety of what is to come.</p>
<p>Line of Durin angst, established Fili/Kili, background Thilbo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever By Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, just a few quick notes:
> 
> \- HEED THE WARNINGS AND TAGS!   
> \- That being said, the first chapter does not contain character death or violence, if you would just like to read it and then stop before things turn tragic. It does contain sibling incest, but I'm going to assume you're cool with that, or you wouldn't be reading Durincest fics.   
> \- This is a WIP! It will only be two, maybe three chapters total.  
> \- This fic centers around the Fili/Kili relationship, but there is vague background Thilbo.  
> \- It also revolves heavily around Durin family dynamics, and Thorin's attitude toward his nephews, and the weight of their birthright. Lots of Durin family angst, because I like exploring the complexities of their relationships, but also some sweet memories mixed in.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It was nearly midnight when Thorin finally, and with much reluctance, dismissed his company to get their rest. He had held them at his side for many hours, seeking council and making plans, messenger-birds run ragged as he relayed his decisions to the dwarf army held back beyond the camp of men and elves at the doorstep of the Mountain.

 

In truth, his restlessness was born not only of his need to outsmart the meddlers who had come to claim their gold, but also of his avoidance to think of all that had transpired earlier that day - or rather, of the confusing storm of emotions said events created in him. In a surprising turn of events, it had come to light that their burglar-hobbit had indeed burgled _them_ and given away their most beloved Arkenstone - of which Bilbo had no rightful claim - as a bargaining chip, and Thorin, especially, felt the betrayal in ways the others did not.

 

Pride, however, is a cage for grief that holds and turns it sour, and such was Thorin's pride that he would sooner give himself over to his anger than his tears, frivolous though it was. He cast the hobbit away, and with him went their hope for a quick and peaceful resolution, and perhaps also no small part of his heart as he watched Bilbo and the Arkenstone retreat further from his hall. The dwarves knew then, by the careful set of Thorin's jaw, that the events that were soon to be set in motion were likely to cost them more valuable things than their precious jewel, but the still-fresh sight of Thorin finally set upon the throne as king discouraged their words of dissent. He made a powerful image of a mighty and formidable ruler, and who were they to meddle in the affairs of kings, when their place was to serve him proudly, no matter the cost?

 

They retired to their separate corners to get the excellent rest that comes to dwarves who curl up in the valleys between great hills of gold, but it was with the uncomfortable sense of foreboding lurking in the depths of their subconscious. Even a bed of treasure could not quell the apprehension they felt for the next day, and their cavernous hall of gold and jewels seemed strangely empty and their jokes humorless without Bilbo there. They realized now, of course, that the hobbit was one of those rare souls who is easy to overlook when they are around, but their absence is hard to ignore, but the damage had already been done. There was nothing for it now but to post their guard and hope for the mind-emptying peace of sleep.

 

It was Kili who drew first watch that night, and perhaps that was for the best, because the youngest dwarf-prince had not yet learned all of the respect and caution that comes with age, and was less reluctant to snap at Thorin for his treatment of Bilbo, who had been a great friend to Kili throughout their journey. They sent him up to the wall before he made matters worse by lashing out in his own conflicted grief, and he went without a word, jaw set and dark eyes a mixture of bitterness and relief.

 

Fili watched his brother go and knew that he was free to follow, for though they only needed one night watchman to keep a lookout during the night, the company had long since come to understand that the brothers worked best as a pair, and where went one, the other was not long in following. Still, he hung back to watch Kili go, not only for the advantageous view of his backside that it allowed him, but also because he knew his brother and his needs. While generally playful and good-natured, Kili had the Durin streak for sullenness at times such as these, and he would appreciate the few minutes of solitude to sort his thoughts.

 

All around Fili were mounds of gold. It was all a dwarf could ever dream of, and he should have felt intoxicated simply from the sight of it all, but his heart was heavy in a way he hadn't expected that night. His elders seemed so convicted in their belief that none of Erebor's treasure should be given to the greedy hands of men and elves, even if it would have easily settled the matter at hand, but Fili didn't entirely agree with them. This was a fact that twisted in his gut like a knife, because he felt he _ought_ to have agreed with them, and it baffled even him why he was now so suddenly eager to spare their hard-won gold just to ensure their safety, when he had never shied away from a fight before. He spoke not a word of this to the other dwarves, of course. It would not do to cause a rift between them on the eve of battle, nor would it look good for Fili to contradict his elders and his king. 

 

Lost in his thoughts and idly thumbing a gold coin between his fingers, Fili looked up when he heard the chink of bootsteps on treasure. Thorin was there, having spotted Fili still seated where he had left him, and he stopped, hovering in a moment of consideration before speaking. When he did, his tone told Fili that his mood had not improved.

 

"I wonder, nephew, if you ever stopped to think of what might become of your brother should you die on the battlefield, before you so intertwined yourselves that you rarely separate from each other," Thorin said, his voice challenging. Fili looked at him with surprise. Thorin had not always been supportive of his relationship with Kili, but he had never given the indication that he disapproved for personal reasons. Fili considered Thorin's words for a moment before choosing his own. If it was a fight Thorin was aiming to pick, then Fili would respond in kind. He may pay fealty to his uncle as king, but he would not allow him to disrespect the relationship he had with his brother.

 

"And I wonder if you have ever stopped to think of the consequences of sending us into an unnecessary battle? Have you even stopped to think of the destruction that could come of this? Have you really considered the cost we may end up paying for your pride?" Fili countered, standing and facing his uncle for their confrontation.

 

"We are dwarves! We have nothing without pride!" Thorin replied fiercely. He knew what Fili implied with his words, knew that his foolish nephew would blame him for the outcome of their adventure if it ended poorly. "Do not hold me responsible for Kili's fate, or accountable for your death, if that is how this conflict ends. I advised you against your relationship from the beginning. Had you heeded my warning, you might have stopped yourselves before you bonded so tightly that there is space for little else in your lives."

 

"You would have us marry dwarf women and settle down to raise families! You would have us ignore what we know to be true!" Fili asserted, conviction and disbelief strong in his voice. He had suspected, of course, that Thorin was wary of his nephews' relationship, had taken notice of the subtle hints and nudges from Thorin to push them into more conventional pairings, but had hoped that his uncle just needed time to become accustomed to idea. Clearly, Thorin had been holding stronger objections behind the veil of his usual angst.

 

"The line of Durin must be firmly secured! Your bond with your brother will never bring about an heir!" Thorin growled, his hand slicing through the air in a gesture that clearly indicated that the brothers must stop their delusions immediately.

 

"And yet you, first in line for the throne since your birth, never chose a mate that could bear your own princes!" Thorin's eyes flashed a deadly warning at that, and Fili knew he should heed it, but could not lessen his anger with anxieties running so high between them.

 

"I may still yet," his king spat bitterly. Fili shot him a look of disbelief before his face returned to its anger.

 

"You won't," he said boldly, and the truth sat between them like a weight. Thorin growled, ready to contradict or silence him, but Fili pressed on. "You know it as well as I do. You will not produce an heir, and so you wish to push that responsibility on Kili and I!"

 

"That responsibility has been yours since you were born to the line of Durin! And when this conflict is over, we will all put our minds to insuring that it is taken care of!" Thorin's tone clearly indicated that the order was from a king and not an uncle, and lesser (and perhaps brighter) dwarves would have backed down at the sight of their king standing so ensconced in authority. Thorin wasn't the only dwarf with the hot blood of Durin in his vein, however, and Fili, too, had been taught from a young age that Durins were nothing if not steadfast in their beliefs.

 

"You would have us put aside our love for your pride? For politics?" he spat, and Thorin's eyes flashed.

 

"Do not speak to me of love!" he ordered, but Fili cut him off before he could say more.

 

"No, for you clearly do not know the meaning of the word!"

 

Fili knew the moment the words had left his mouth that it had been the wrong thing to say. Thorin advanced on him, closing the distance between them, and a dark shadow of rage came with him. Fili stood his ground and masked his nerves, every muscle tightly coiled as they stood barely a foot from each other, jaws clenched and nostrils flaring. They stared each other down for long moments, poised to fight, each waiting for the other to make the first move. In the end, it was Fili who gave in, finally taking a step back and lowering his eyes to scowl angrily at the ground, obviously still upset but conscious of his place. Thorin continued to glare, hand resting on the hilt of his sword. It was a long moment before either had calmed enough to speak again.

 

"It was wrong of me to say such things," Fili told him finally. "This situation is undoubtedly as much a product of love as it is of pride, and I will trust your judgment in it. But are you truly certain that you are prepared to pay the cost should a battle begin? Men and elves will not be the only ones slain."

 

Thorin shifted, his hand falling from his sword as he considered Fili's words, and when he spoke, his voice was softer and sadder than Fili had ever before heard it. "I would avoid any deaths if there is another way. But I will stop at nothing until our home is truly reclaimed. We have not come so far to be tricked by meddling fools now."

 

"But we have our home! We have Erebor again. Why not give them the gold and send them away?" Kili asked, his hands gesturing to the hall surrounding them.

 

Thorin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and it struck Fili how much older his uncle looked all of a sudden. "You do not understand. You and your brother were born in exile. The Mountain does not call to you as it does to me."

 

Fili was quiet for a time, Thorin's words echoing the thoughts his own mind had been creating since they had arrived in Erebor. "It is true that the Mountain does not feel the same to us as it does to you. We have never had a real home, nor do we know what it feels like to have one....But even if we don't know the love of a home, we do know how it feels to love each other. And all my suspicions tell me that the two are very similar." At this, he looked up at the shadows concealing his brother on the wall where he stood watch. "My home was never meant to be in this mountain, not in the way it is to those who were born here. But Erebor will be my home for as long as Kili remains here."

 

"And if he perishes tomorrow, and you remain?" Thorin asked, watching his nephew closely for his reaction.

 

"I do not think even fate would be so cruel," Fili replied, and the pain in his eyes told Thorin what went unspoken: "If Kili dies, I will die with him."

 

They were silent for a moment, letting understanding sink in, and with it, respect. When Thorin spoke again, he sounded tired in the way a person does when they have accepted the inevitable and moved on to worry about other things.

 

"You should go to him. He will need you near him this night." Fili realized it was his blessing, and his heart swelled with appreciation for his uncle.

 

Before turning to go, he stopped in front of Thorin, resting a hand on the elder's arm, and it was a strange reversal of roles for Fili to be the one offering words of advice. "My brother and I aren't the only ones who don't know this place as home. Bilbo was only doing what he thought was right for everyone involved. He doesn't understand what the Arkenstone represents. But you could help him to." Fili let his fingers press briefly to Thorin's heart before he left him to think on those words and do with them what he wanted.

 

\-----

 

When Fili joined his brother on the wall, he found Kili watching the glittering campsites below, humming an old, long-forgotten tune that stirred in the back of Fili's mind. He stopped and listened silently for a moment, letting the low rumble of his brother's voice wash over him, until he recognized the song as a lullaby from years earlier, when their steps were less sure and their beards were little more than a dusting of peach fuzz along their jawlines. Their mother's unusually quiet voice had seemed soothing then, after nightmares and gashed knees and hurt feelings. Now...now the song had a certain melancholy to it; the kind one only recognizes with age, when in looking back, you see all that's been lost to the years.

 

Kili's eyes were trained on the glowing camp outside, his expression unreadable as Fili came up behind him and lightly dropped his fingertips to the back of Kili's hand. It was a gesture he did often to alert the other dwarf to his presence, whether Kili knew he was there or not, and Kili didn't startle when he felt the gentle brush. The touch was always a prelude of sorts; an offer of reassurance and a question of permission at the same time. Kili's head tilted subtly toward him in acknowledgement, but his eyes stayed forward.

 

"I remember that song," Fili remarked, letting his fingers stay where they were to call forth little tremors from his brother. It was a fact he would always appreciate about Kili: the barest of touches often brought out the strongest reactions. Fili would taunt him with it often, intentionally and delicately tracing along his spine or the back of his neck when others were near, just to watch his brother squirm as he tried to suppress his natural instinct to shiver and chase the touch. It was amusing, yes, but in truth, Fili liked it more because it encompassed something so endearing - and erotic - in his brother.

 

"Mother used to sing it to us when we were afraid," Kili acknowledged, and the barest of smiles flitted across his face at the memory of those days so long buried in the past.

 

"You mean when you were afraid. I don't seem to recall ever experiencing fear myself," Fili countered with a playful twinkle in his eye, the corner of his mouth twitching up in barely-suppressed amusement.

 

Kili snorted a laugh at that and spared him a glance, finally - an exasperated one that told Fili he would be having none of his foolishness, but that also curled the something-pleasant that had lived in Fili's stomach since the day his feelings were newly-born.

 

"It's true," Fili pressed, smiling roguishly at his brother. "You were always the one who came crawling into my bed after a bad dream, looking for comfort."

 

"I could never feel very frightened with you nearby," Kili said, and Fili's teasing mirth faded a bit at his brother's honesty, picking up on the somber thread that ran through his words, telling Fili that now was not the time for light-hearted bantering.

 

"You're frightened now," Fili replied quietly, his bright eyes studying his brother's face, and Kili didn't deny it. Instead, he turned back to look out at the camp in front of them again, letting his bangs fall limply over his face and cast his eyes in shadow.

 

"I'm worried about Bilbo." he said, then paused before adding, "And Thorin. This whole thing, it's gotten so twisted....Bilbo is out there, somewhere, and he has no idea what's coming, and Thorin's in no mood to forgive him...." he sighed heavily, pressing his fingertips to his tired eyes before leaning heavily against the wall ledge. "Things are never going to be the same as they were, are they?" he asked, his voice laced with painful realizations. Fili understood the double meaning that question represented; understood that Kili wasn't just asking about Bilbo and Thorin, but also about himself, and how he fit in to the end of their journey. Things _wouldn't_ ever be the same for them.

 

But truth can be a painful answer, especially when the asker already suspects it, so Fili replied to the unspoken question with what little comfort he could give, sliding his strong arms around Kili from behind and pulling his close. Kili would recognize the gesture for what it was: a reminder that not everything would change, now that their task was complete.

 

"Don't worry yourself too much over those two," Fili spoke as he nuzzled into his brother's hair, acknowledging the worries Kili had actually voiced. "There are some bonds that cannot be broken, even if those involved wish they were."

 

Kili turned in his arms to face him, and Fili found himself missing the playful smile that came so rarely these days to break the serious crease on his brother's brow. "And what of ours?" Kili asked softly, his eyes searching.

 

"Are you asking if our bond is capable of being broken, or if I wish to break it?" Fili answered.

 

"The latter, I'd say," for he thought he knew the answer to the former, although he was too afraid of what it meant to utter it.

 

"I'd rather die tomorrow than destroy what we have, Kili."

 

It probably wasn't Fili's wisest choice of words, laced as they were with the uncertainty of what would greet them the next day. He saw Kili's eyes widen with sadness before he ducked his head and laid it on his older brother's shoulder. Fili pressed his face into Kili's dark hair and brushed a kiss to his forehead. "I could never leave you," he whispered, his fingers smoothing the stubble at Kili's jaw. His brother hummed a neutral note in answer and leaned into the touch, but sadness still lingered in his eyes.

 

Minutes passed as they stood silently in the circle of each other's arms, trading careful caresses that soothed with tactile reassurances. Whatever lay ahead of them, the soft brush of fingers over clothes and skin and hair held them grounded in that moment, content in the knowledge that they were together, and safe, and whole, at least for the time being. Kili's breath tickled his brother's neck as his solid warmth rested against him, and Fili closed his eyes and let his body revel in the comfort of being so entwined with his love.

 

"Your braids are in need of some attention, brother," Kili softly broke the silence, his eyes lingering on the ratty plaits of Fili's mustache, neglected in the chaos of recent weeks and left to mat and fray. He slid a hand up to finger one lightly, and Fili smiled at the memory of how jealous his little brother had been when his mustache was finally long enough to braid, while Kili's remained short and scratchy and wholly unimpressive. Thorin had presented Fili with the beads for it not long after, beaming with pride for his nephew, and for weeks, Kili had burned with an envy so intense that he hardly allowed himself to speak to his brother. It wasn't until Thorin realized the rift growing between the two and cut his own beard short to show Kili that a beard did not make a king that Kili was able to get past it and make amends. But he never lost his fascination with his brother's, even after the jealousy faded, and more than once on their journey, Fili had woken to find his brother still asleep, fingers gently twined into the hair on Fili's face.

 

"Will you help?" Fili asked and watched as a hopeful spark overpowered the surprise in his brother's eyes. Kili pulled back then, just enough to duck his head and send his brother a smile that was half pleased and half uncharacteristically shy, and Fili couldn't resist reaching up to cup his jaw and run his thumb over the stubble there. Kili batted his hand away, rolling his eyes despite his smug expression, and guided his brother toward a low ledge where they could sit.

 

Kili set to his task with careful focus, his fingers exceedingly gentle as they slipped the beads from Fili's braids and untangled his hair. He didn't glance up at his brother as he worked, but Fili watched him studiously, savoring every detail of Kili's face and admiring the bob of his throat each time he swallowed - the only sign of his nerves.

 

The weight of the act settled around them like a heavy wool. A dwarf's beard was the most personal aspect of his self; how he managed it and decorated it was an outward sign of his character. As such, dwarves were understandably protective of their beards - even those who chose to take a partner oftentimes did not let her braid it, lest it lose some of its meaning in the process. But who was Fili without his brother, his constant companion since the younger had learned how to toddle along behind Fili until exhaustion won out and Fili was left to carry his sleeping brother home in his arms? If Kili left his influence in his brother's beard, would it diminish the truth of who Fili was, or simply cast light on it?

 

If Fili had not been so intent on studying his brother, he might have drifted off under Kili's ministrations, gentle enough that there was no pain as Kili brushed out the knotted hair, but firm enough that he was unmistakably _there_ , a constant pressure that grounded and comforted Fili in all the right ways to push back the clawing need to know that his brother was right where he should be, safe and wanted.

 

When Fili's mustache was rebraided and Kili had slipped the tarnished beads back in place, he finally met his brother's gaze for only a moment, softness and familiarity written in the lines of his face, before his eyes dropped to his hands where they rested in his lap. Fili was on the cusp of reaching to tilt his chin back up again - maybe for a kiss, maybe because he just wasn't finished admiring those long eyelashes, could look at Kili for hours on end and not be finished - when Kili moved to his side. Fili watched him until his brother gently turned his face forward again, but not before giving Fili a half-smirk that Fili knew only too well; a partially exasperated and partially pleased look that Kili often threw him when he caught Fili staring just a bit too blatantly. It was a look that said, 'You don't have to watch my every movement, brother,' and also, 'But I'm glad that you want to.'

 

Kili began the slightly more arduous task of rebraiding his brother's hair, his fingers still so gentle and articulate and strong - archer's fingers - smoothing through the threads of Fili's hair just as they would delicately slide down the string of his bow. Kili was content to work in silence, listening to the steady in-out of Fili's deep breaths, but his brother grew increasingly fidgety as Kili worked his way around his head and out of Fili's range of vision; a magnet trembling to follow its mate. Kili prompted him with a question then - one that Kili already knew the answer to, but that would keep his brother distracted until he had finished his task.

 

"Do you know when I realized that I loved you?"

 

Fili let out a chuckle and leaned into Kili's touch. "How could I not know? You practically threw yourself into my arms."

 

"You had been gone a very long time," Kili replied, going for indignant, but Fili could hear the smile in his voice.

 

Fili hummed in agreement. "Thorin's doing, not mine, I assure you." Fili didn't like to remember those long days following Thorin through forests and countryside, searching from settlement to settlement for whispers of news about Erebor, for some indication that all was not lost and a chance remained at reclaiming the mountain. They had spent almost three years away, separated from their kin. It was his first and only extended separation from Kili, and Fili had never known that days could be so long and nights so restless without his brother's easy laughter (and it had come so much easier then, so quick and often) at his side, without his unknowing touches that burned into Fili's skin even as gooseflesh rose on his arms.

 

"I've never been so happy as when I finally saw you coming back up the path," Kili said from behind him, and his breathless tone made Fili purr.

 

"Yes, well, you nearly scared me away again when you came barreling toward us, shrieking like a madman, dirty face and twigs stuck in your hair," Fili laughed at the memory. "Thorin almost drew his sword, honestly! I saw his hand reach for it before he recognized you."

 

Kili scoffed at him. "I had been out hunting! Of course I was dirty!"

 

"Yes, and I seem to remember you dropping that stag in the dirt when you saw us," Fili goaded.

 

Kili made an annoyed noise. "And he was a good one, too. Best one I felled all summer. Mother made me clean all the dust off myself when I finally got him home, do you remember?"

 

"Did she?" Fili asked, squinting his eyes as he thought back. "I remember other things about that night...." he added suggestively, making Kili chuckle.

 

"I knew the moment I got a good look at you again," Kili told him, smiling softly as he fingers continued to comb. "I almost kissed you right then. I wanted to."

 

"I know," Fili said, his voice gentling to almost a murmur. Then, "But I'm glad you didn't. I don't think Thorin would have fancied being witness to our reacquaintance, as it were," and he threw a smirk over his shoulder, eyebrows waggling. Kili smacked him and he turned back around, his laughter echoing off the walls as he did so.

 

"I think I saw more of your cock than I did of your face for three days after," and Fili laughed even harder at Kili's words. "But I was so happy," Kili added with a sigh, and this time it was he who turned Fili's head toward him so he could press his thumb to the corner of Fili's upturned mouth in the shadow of a kiss. "You make me so happy," he amended as he pulled away, and Fili's chest swelled at his brother's words.

 

They were both silent for a moment, lost in their memories of that day. "Thorin figured it out soon enough. Be difficult not to, given that you wouldn't so much as let me out of your sight to take a piss for weeks," Fili finally said. "He suspected long before then, of course, but that's when he knew for certain."

 

"It's why he took you away with him, isn't it? Why he took you but not me? Because he suspected?" Kili asked sadly. "He thought the separation would curb your feelings."

 

Fili nodded as Kili started in on the last braid, and Kili slapped his shoulder again in a warning to stay still. Fili simply responded by giving his brother a good nudge with the same shoulder, almost pushing Kili off their seat and onto the ground, but Fili would never let Kili fall if he could stop it. He grabbed Kili's tunic and pulled him back, pulled him closer than before and held him there so he could press their lips together before Kili could retaliate. Kili jerked back as far as he could (which wasn't far; Fili still clutched at his shirtfront) when his mind caught up enough to react.

 

"Stop that, Fili! I'm busy!" he protested, but even as he said it, he leaned in to kiss his brother again, and Fili could feel his lips turn up into a smile against his own. When Kili pulled back again, it was with a warning look, daring Fili to pull another stunt, but instead Fili settled down with the happy grin of a child whose crime had been completely worth the punishment endured. Kili was smiling again, his impish, I've-been-kissing-my-brother-again grin erasing the creases hard questing had written on his face, and that, after all, had been Fili's main intention in all this. As his brother, he wanted Kili to be happy, but as his lover, he'd do anything to make it so.

 

He waited patiently as Kili finished plaiting the last braid, but as his brother made to slip the final bead back into place, Fili caught his wrist and held it. He turned to face his brother fully then, and brought his other hand up to smooth over the scratch of dark hair on Kili's jaw. Kili leaned into the touch, turned to press a soft kiss to his brother's wrist before reaching out to pull him closer, eliminating the space between them.

 

"You're my One, Kili," Fili said, his palm so warm and heavy against Kili's cheek. Kili sucked in a breath. He knew it already, of course, had known for quite some time, but Fili had never said the words out loud, and he had never felt the need to push Fili into saying what they both already knew. Still, the words spoken now felt new and surprising, and he shifted even closer, clutched even tighter as he replied.

 

"You're mine too. Mine," he answered almost breathlessly. "My One."

 

Fili's blue eyes flicked between each of his, searching. "I want you to be my Helpmate. I want to be yours," he told him with certainty. Kili was nodding almost before Fili had finished getting the words out, desperate for Fili to know that yes, yes he wanted to stand by his side as more than just a brother, wanted to live as joined hearts with a shared purpose.

 

Fili uncurled Kili's hand where it still held the last bead, waiting to be threaded back onto Fili's braid, and Fili laid his own hand over it, catching it between their two palms. "Will you wear it?" he asked, and Kili answered with a kiss.

 

Fili pulled a lock of hair forward from behind Kili's ear, braiding it with the efficiency of years of practice. Kili held his breath as his brother slipped the bead onto the end and tied it off, his heart beating hard in his chest. It was a placement carefully chosen: the bead would be seen, certainly, would catch in the light and people would know that Kili wore his brother's bead, but the brothers had never felt a need to parade their private relationship in front of others, and the bead would have felt out of place if it were more overt. As it was, the braid blended nicely into the rest of Kili's hair, just as their love was woven so tightly into the tapestry of their lives that it fit seamlessly in.

 

Kili surged forward and kissed his brother when words came up short, hands twining in Fili's hair to hold him close in a claiming kiss that neither wanted to break. Fili felt overwhelmed by the exchange, breathless as feelings he didn't know how to name ran through him and his brother responded with a passion unlike any he had shown before. When Kili pulled back to mouth along his jaw, Fili realized he was trembled, and when he reached out to steady himself with his hands on Kili's shoulders, he realized his brother was too, but that was his last coherent thought for quite some time, as Kili's tongue had found the sensitive nerves along the shell of his ear, and thinking suddenly became quite impossible.

 

They stripped off their clothes at some point, although Fili wasn't sure when that happened, was only vaguely aware of the leather and fur beneath him as Kili lowered him down to lay on his coat before tracing his tongue along the hardened lines of his brother's chest. They had long since memorized every touch-tender spot of each other, each secret point of pleasure sure to draw gasps and moans, but that didn't matter. The beauty that comes in these hushed, meaningful moments, teetering on the edge of the uncontrollable winds of fate, is that every touch felt as reverent and newly-discovered as the day they first gave in to desire and lost themselves in their passion.

 

Lips on one of Fili's nipples made him gasp, and when they found their way to his flushed cock, they made him moan, but when an oil-slick finger pressed against his entrance, he writhed, head thrown back and eyes tight shut as he tried to comprehend every touch, every movement. This wasn't the first time they had done this - they had, after all, spent countless nights touching, tasting, trying every secret desire with each other, had sometimes fought for dominance, other times offered submission willingly. But in this moment, Fili could think of nothing he wanted more than Kili's cock anchoring them together, assuring him in no uncertain terms of his brother's presence and purpose.

 

Kili worked him open, fingers and lips and tongue everywhere at once, a source of searing heat and incomprehensible comfort to Fili that pushed his worries away, if only for a while. It was hard to imagine, as the blunt head of Kili's cock pressed to his brother's stretched hole, that this solid, skilled, grown dwarf had once been the same chubby-cheeked dwarfling reaching to be lifted onto Fili's shoulders and crying over scraped knees. Fili would watch after his brother until he returned to the earth from which he was made, but now Kili could care for him in turn as well.

 

When Kili had pushed all the way in, he stilled, trembling with restraint as he hovered above Fili. Torchlight caught the silvery gleam of the bead in his hair, just visible as it hung in the space between them. _Helpmate_ , Fili's mind supplied in a lusty stupor. _My Helpmate._ Then their eyes locked, and with Fili's quick nod, his brother drew back before pushing in again.

 

If Fili and Kili had known then that this was the very last time they would lay together and feel their hearts beat in time, would they have stopped a moment longer to listen? Would they have said "I love you" more, taking advantage of every opportunity left to them? Would they have said it less, so it wouldn't lose its potency?

 

Alas, they did not know their fates with any amount of certainty, and it was in that blessed ignorance that their intimacy thrived, for while lingering fear and doubt loomed like an evil thing in the back of their minds, the paths their fingers drew across naked skin trailed lines of hope that clung there with permanence. Hope for a happy future and hope for a place and a purpose in their new home. Hope for a thousand tomorrows to follow a thousand yesterdays. They had hope, and they had love, and they had each other.

 

Kili could be an exceedingly gentle lover, Fili had found. He could take Fili apart with his teasing touches and slow grinding with surprising skill, could twine their bodies and rock slow and sweet until Fili felt like bursting with want. But there was an urgency in the air this night, the scent of a coming storm, and while the brothers would not be rushed in their lovemaking, they did not hold back. Kili fucked into the other dwarf without restraint, head bent low to catch every gasp and moan, praise and curse that escaped his brother’s lips. He took and he took, but it was as much a gift as it was claim; it was everything Fili wanted and wouldn't ask for.

 

Kili came with Fili's fingers tangled in his hair while his brother writhed beneath him, desperate for his own release, and when he had spent the last of his seed inside his brother, he pulled out abruptly, giving Fili no chance to react before he had pulled him to his knees and cradled Fili's back to his chest. With one arm around Fili's chest, he held his brother to him snugly, and with the other, he reached around and took Fili's neglected cock in his hand. Fili tilted his head back and let it rest on Kili's shoulder, buried his nose in his brother's hair and felt the cool metal of the bead against his cheek, and everything around him was _Kili Kili Kili_ as his brother worked him with firm strokes and steady hand. When Fili felt the cooling trickle of his brother's seed leaking out of him and dribbling down his thigh, it was all he needed, the last piece put firmly in place, and Kili held him close as he snapped, streaking the wall in front of him with the white stripes of his own release.

 

Fili let his brother support his weight as he caught his breath, and it was only a moment before he heard Kili chuckle against his hair. 

 

"I'd bet you my share of the treasure that that will still be there a year from now," Kili explains at his brother's curious hum, nodding toward the splatter of come on the wall. And Fili laughs, safe in the circle of his brother's arms, because he's certain that Kili is right.

 

\-----

 

Later, after Dwalin had shown up to take the watch (and had taken one look at the mess on the wall before sighing heavily and stomping off to find a less defiled stretch to watch from), Fili and Kili curled into the nest they had made for themselves, a wide hole dug into the sea of gold and lined with their blankets, and Kili pillowed his head against his brother's chest. 

 

"When did you know?" Kili asked as his brother yawned, but was met only with a questioning hum, so he clarified. "When did you know that you love me?"

 

"I've always loved you, Brother," Fili replied distractedly, shifted a bit beneath Kili as he settled into a more comfortable position.

 

"That's not what I mean," Kili grumbled. "When did you know...."

 

"That you were my One?" Fili finished, and Kili nodded against his chest. "Do you remember when you caught the fever and almost died?"

 

Kili made a disgusted noise, and Fili tightened his arms around him in comfort. "Of course I remember; I didn't even know a body could feel so awful. But I was barely fifty years at the time," he added, his voice tinged with disbelief. "You can't mean you knew for so long?" Fili didn't respond, only brushed his fingers down Kili's back, his heart a slow and steady beat in Kili's ear. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

 

"Because you were barely fifty," his brother smiled sadly, tugging playfully on Kili's braid as he said it. "And I not much older. You had the right to grow up your own person, not as my One. Not so early, when the knowledge would have influenced you so easily." They were silent for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts, before Fili spoke again, and this time his voice was laced with a deep pain. "I thought you were going to die, Kili. I was so - so frightened. So afraid of being left alone. When you finally beat the fever and woke up, every day felt like a blessing." Fili's hand slid down to cover Kili's. "All that time was not wasted, even if you didn't know."

 

Kili hugged him close and pressed his lips to Fili's naked collar. "You would not have been alone had I died. You would have Mother. You'd have Thorin."

 

"But I would have no one who would look at me without seeing 'heir' first and foremost," he answered. "I have always lived in the shadow of expectations I'm not certain I can meet. They've trained me in every way they can for a role I have little right to. I had never even set eyes on Erebor before a short time ago, and yet I am to inherit if Thorin dies. How am I to rule a kingdom that is foreign to me? How am I to do right by our people when I don’t know what is right for them?” Fili asked, but it was a question Kili couldn’t answer, and his heart hurt for his brother. “I couldn't stand to face that without the one person who has ever accepted me as nothing more than I am," Fili added, hand squeezing Kili’s where they were still clasped.

 

"That's because you're a right idiot most of the time," Kili mumbled through a yawn, but his arms tightened around his brother as he said it. "Couldn't find yourself in the dark without me there. Don't know why no one else seems to notice...."

 

Fili huffed a laugh, but he set aside his revenge for another time and instead settled for pressing a soft kiss to the top of Kili’s head. "Sleep now, Brother," he whispered to him. "And rest assured that I will always keep you by my side to find me when I get lost."

 

Kili hummed contentedly and snuggled closer to his brother, and a comfortable silence fell around them as their eyelids drooped. But just as Fili thought his brother must have fallen asleep, Kili spoke again.

 

"You'll make a good king," Kili mumbled, exhaustion overtaking his voice and slowing his words. He studied Fili through his eyelashes, braided hair framing his brother's face as shadows emphasized the Durin features so often masked in daylight. "When the time comes. You've the bearing for it; always have....It's impossible to not love you," and with a soft exhale and gentle nuzzle into Fili's chest, he slipped into sleep, leaving Fili to lie awake and wonder if Kili had been referring to himself, or the dwarves that would call Fili king.

 

When Fili finally drifted off, he dreamed of loud, joyful laughter and a naked, dirt-streaked body running through the woods ahead of him, dark hair catching on low-hanging branches as he ducked behind trees, bow in hand. Fili called out to his brother and ran after him, but Kili moved swift and nimble through underbrush that tripped Fili and slowed his progress. Finally, he saw his brother stop in a clearing just ahead and rushed to catch him, but when he made it out into the open, Kili wasn't there, and the only sound in the forest was the rustle of dead leaves in the breeze.

 

When he woke the next morning, Kili was gone.


End file.
